Updated Monthly
Aug 97
This page contains only some off bit news . For uptodate news go to the following links

Times..Guardian..Telegraph.. Economist
Afghanistan Today..Total News ..Dawn(Pak).. Pakistan Today.. Hindu..Redifindia..Hindi newspaper ..Times of India .

Couldnt spell

Sanjeev Rana and associates were sent to jail for three years when they defrauded banks of over $5 million. They would send forged letters from companies requesting transfer of bank account into fictitious companies after getting account information over the phone from the companies pretending they were bank employees . They were caught after video surveillance and because they always spelt sincerly wrong in all their letters. Even when out on bail they continued to get information from companies house by mail and sending taxi drivers to deliver more forged letters.

Hooting Owls

Two bird watchers who met at a party were telling each other about this owl which hooted back at them . When comparing notes and the times they realised that for months they had been hooting at each other !

Prince Charming

A young 29 year old Pakistani lawyer has taken her 52 year old Arab fiancee to court. He told her he was an Arab prince but only allowed to bring out $70 on each of his visits to England. So she footed all his bills including $15,000 for wedding flowers at the reception where he failed to turn up. Later on she found that he was unemployed man living in another part of town.

Cant reposess

A bank has repossesed a $300 k bunglaow when the man defaulted. But he had taken the precaution of selling the land surrounding it to his daughter. She has refused permission for the baliffs to cross her land so the bank cant get at it. The bank also overlooked a clause in the deed that only the man and his family can live in the property.

Identity parade

A black man over 6ft 3 was released when the Judge condemned the identity parade . The police unable to find middle aged tall balding black volunteers blackened the faces of some white men but the witness was confused when the makeup started to run under the hot lights and also because the hands had been left white.

Commuter gurads Premature Explosion

Two chefs at a takeway were arrested for setting fire to the restaurant. The owner who fled the country told them to do it they said. They got cans of petrol and were dousing the inside when a hot clay tandoori oven they had forgotten about made the petrol fumes catch fire. They were badly burned and taken to hospital . The nurses reported them to the police when one started blaming the other for scarring him and ruining his life. It also cleared up the mystery of why their trainers were still in the shop. The force of the explosion had blown them out of their shoes.

Jam Sandwiches

Craig Flatman an 11 year who developed a phobia about food refused to eat anything but Jam sandwiches for the last three years , has now been cured. He had no fillings . Doctors now think that protein maynot be si essential in diet . More details in the Times of Feb 19 97

Not charged

Police in Melbourne decided not to charge a man who ran naked in a street. he had been in a mortuary and had just been pronounced dead by the doctor.

Too keen

Unemployed unqualifed 34 year old Mervyn Lloyd attended many medical conferences claiming he was a specialist in neurochemistry and blood disorders and was accepted as such. A few sharp eyed medical students however noticed that he always had a stethoscope around his neck in lectures and he was caught and put on probation for two years for impersonating a doctor.

Dope at the Pharmacist

One of the states in Germany will on a trial basis allow cannabis to be bought at pharmacy shops . The idea is to eliminate the profit margin and drive the drug dealers out of business. However if dope becomes popular the govt could lose big revenues from tobacco taxes.

Beggar wins damages

A beggar who was arrested for shouting in a Library and detained overnight in a police station was awarded damages. The judge agreed that his civil rights had been violated - nobody is quite sure how- and awarded him the sum of 2 dollars (one pound).

Corner Shops in trouble

Many corner grocery shops owned by first generation Asians are in deep financial trouble. The supermarkets can sell to the public goods cheaper than the shopkeeper can buy wholesale . Council tax increases have also cut into profits. Second generation Asians are increasingly going into the professions.

Britons work the hardest

30% of British workers work more than 48 hours a week compared to 9% for the next highest the Irish , in the EEC of 12 countries. They are also the second lowest paid. The govt however feels this is not enough to compete with low paid workers in the far east and has adamantly opposed a maximum of 48 hours a week ( unless the employee volunteers to work more) and a minimum of three weeks holiday a year. It has had to give way since the legislation was imposed by the EEC as a safety measure - albeit exempting the transport workers , doctors , police ..... Britain also is the only country without a minimum wage and workers are laid off in some fast food places during the quiet hours and rehired when somebody walks into the door.

Rap artists imprisoned

In France North African Rap artists singing 'Kill all the cops' have been imprisoned for three months for incitement to murder. Left wing parties have protested at this attack on freedom of expression

Mini Skirts OK for lawyers

A female lawyer who came to interview a prisoner in prison wearing see through clothes and very short mini skirt won her right in the Italian Supreme Court to dress as she pleases .

Militant Sikh leader released

Mr Chahal was released after six years detention in prison on orders of the EEC Court of Human Rights as no charges had been laid against him on terrorism charges. The British givt has refused compensation.

Prisoners get lot of time off

Those who commit serious crime and are remanded in prsion awaiting trial have come out much better than those out on bail. If they are sentenced to say 10 years - one year for each crime , and get time off one year for good behaviour , then this one year is deducted from each year. So the prisoner can be released immediately on being sentenced if he has been remanded for one year. Not only that but since some have been kept a bit longer they are entitled to 100 compensation for each night extra. One who had impersonated a doctor and had numerous other convictions may receive 70,000 for having spent 2 years of a six year sentence.

Anatomy lessons came in useful

A wife fed up with her husband forcing her to go jogging to lose weight , brushed up in the library to learn where the heart was located. She then stabbed him , avoiding the heart as she didnt want to kill him ! The man extremely grateful to be alive has decided not to press charges and is reconciled.

Costly delay

An elderly woman died of a heart attack after an ambulance failed to arrive for 75 minutes. The family was awarded $100,000 in damages.

Air Curry

Ghulam Noon who has pioneered the manufacture of Indian food in bulk will open the first Indian restaurant at Heathrow terminal one . Only mild curries will be sold.

Stabbed each other many times.

The coroner has decided that a 56 year old Asian man in Leicester and his 20 year old daughter died after stabbing each other many times. They were found in a pool of blood at home.

BSE in Milk

Dr Narang has warned that mad cow disease can be spread via milk from infected cows.

Britain the longest working nation .

At 43 hrs per week ( even more if part timers are excluded ) the British people have become the longest working and almost the lowest paid in Europe. Now the govt is fighting European law which mandates that from 1999 all workers should have a max 48 hrs a week (except transport workers , doctors , managers ...) and 4 weeks holidays a year. There is a lot of evidence that the longer the working week , the more inefficient the method of working and the lower the wages.

Patient sues doctors for making him better !

Cyril Smith a patient has been granted legal aid ( from the govt) to sue his doctors for making him better ! Three years ago he was diagnosed as having advanced cancer and told he would have only three months to live . So he quit his $500 a week job but doctors did not give up hope and chemotherapy and radiotherapy was so successful that he is still alive. He is now suing them for compensation saying that their wrong prognosis has cost him a lot of money.

Night in prison nets 100,000 ($150,000) .

A jury has awarded the above sum to a woman who was arrested on the complaints of her neighbours for making loud noises in her house. The police did not give her time to change her nightdress and kept her in prison overnight. She sued for wrongful arrest and racial abuse. Soon the police will be too scared to arrest anybody . The above sum needs to be compared to the 5000 for loss of an eye in criminal damage to victims.

Cardiac Arrest

This is a cult hit medical series which is very politically incorrect to say the least ! , but very true to life. All the doctors below consultant level are overworked and always breaking down under the stress . The nurses make sure they give them even more , much of what they should be doing themselves. Nobody who is being resucitated ever makes it ! . The managers are always trying to conspire against the conscientious doctors and force them out because they oppose their never ending cost cutting . The Asian doctor is always trying to bed any pretty nurse or patient ....and so on . It is probably too controversial ever to be shown in America ..

Police win big damages

About 20 policeman who helped rescue people trapped in a surging crowd at a football match where some spectators died have won over $3million in damages for post traumatic stress. Relatives of the victims who died got about $3000 each on average.

Contract on a stray cat

A British manager of a big warehouse lost his 28000 job when he hired two hit men to get a stray cat. the cat used to set off the bruglar alarm and one night he had to get out of bed twice and drive to the warehouse when the police called him after the alarm went off.
He put out a contract on the cat and two hit men arrived and blasted at it with an air gun . The cat fled, was caught and the hit men said they released it in the forest but there is suspicion that they dispatched him to kitty heaven in the sky. Police are considering charging all three with cruelty to animals.

Keith Vaz sues.

Keith the Labour Member of Parliament is to sue the Sun newspaper for making allegations that he tried to have a white man barred from a race relations job on the grounds of his ethnicity.

Krishna's fined

The Hare Krishna temple has been fined more than 30,000 for holding Hindu festivals in their village without permission.

Asian girl comes top.

Suchita Shah aged 15 came top in the whole country beating nearly 200,000 other children in English Language and Literature. She gained 8 starred As and 2 straight As . Can do better Suchita !