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SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ( So-Cal) EIDOUN KAY KHAS PROGRAM
by Moin Ansari
( All characters in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real
character or place is purely coincidental
God was happy with mankind for he gave us a day to celebrate the blessings
of Ramazan. Allah must have been extremely happy with Californians yaar,
because he gives us at least two or three Eid-Ul-Fitirs. Our California
Eid is different in the sense that it is celebrated on more than one day.
Last year someone said that a new Ruet-e-Hilal committee has been formed
to celebrate a unified Eid in Los Angeles, and Orange County. Of course he
said that the year before last, and the year before and ....... May God
bless the Ruet-e-Hilal committee for giving us two Eid-Ul-Fitirs.
Now how is that the other Islamic Center uses the Nautical Almanac to
ascertain the day the Crescent is supposed to be nascent ( they must be
WRONG. What’s Eid without complaining about the Ruet-e-Hilal committee.
Aakhir culture aur tradition bhi kisi cheeze ka naam hai bhai ). Our
masjid uses real people to witness the chaand !
The Chinese have been using the nautical Almanac for years. Their Chinese
New Year is also on the Lunar calendar. But do you ever see a Hong Kong
Chinese celebrate the Chinese New Year on a day other that the Taiwanese
Chinese. No they celebrate their holiday on the same day, all over the
world. If one day we go to congress to request Eid as a national day of
observance ( at par with Hanukah ),we will be the laughing stock of
America ( the brunt of Jay Leno jokes for a year, or till the next Eid
comes around, whichever comes first ). With over 6 million Muslims in
America we’d better have our act together. Because as generous as Uncle
Sam has been over the decades to Pakistanis ( since Ayub’s Decade of
Development, all through Zia’s rule ), Our Uncle sure wont’ give us two
Eid-Ul-Fitirs holidays.
Five times a day pray with your family and friends. Once a week on
Fridays, pray with your neighbors. Once a year pray with the entire city.
Once in a lifetime pray with the world. Eid is one gift from God, a
welcome relief from the hardships of ramzaan mubarak. We celebrate Eid to
thank God for all the blessings we received from God, in the month of
Ramazaan. We take advantage of Eid day to go and meet friends that we
haven’t met for a very long time.
For years as students we ignored Eid (as if it would go away. Thanks God
it didn’t). well you couldn’t really blame us. It’s hard to get into the
spirit of Eid, if you have to take an exam , go to another , and then have
to deliver pizza later that night. Now that we are well settled in
California (ignore the earth-quakes, riots, fires, mud-slides, falling
real-estate prices, major companies moving out of the state and layoffs )
we can begin enjoying Eid like our parents (never can and never will,
forget it !). Oh ! those Pindi Eids (almost better then the Lahore/Karachi
Eids) can never be duplicated anywhere on the planet (that includes the
planet of the apes).
It’s the darn alarm that never goes off at the right time yaar. Whoever
heard of waking up 6 am in the morning (middle of the night for me). Next
thing I know is that my wife is upset at me, trying to wake her up. I knew
this was going to be especial day with beevis khaas prograam. I had
already exhausted my vacations in Pakistan so if Eid was not on a Sunday,
I would do the Pakistani thing and call in sick yaar, like the other
10,000 Pakistanis and others do every year. God will forgive us for that,
won’t he ( sub chalta hai yaar !!)
We have only one bath-room in our condo ( that came with the MBA, BMW and
yuppiedom ), so who goes in first. Usually that is not a problem, because
Malka-raani is fast asleep when I head for the freeway. Today she want to
go first of course. After the bath-room, we try to find the clothes to
wear. I am Okay. I can still wear the shaadi ki shalwaar, that came from
my susraal, but let me tell you about her jaura ( well maybe another day
and another article ).
With baby, diaper-bag, and stroller ( didn’t they call them push-chairs
back home ) we head towards the car-ports. So as usual we pack into her
car ( being the chauvinist I am, I drive of course ) and head for 1 mile
park. Now Nasir was supposed to meet us on the corner of Harbor and save
us a parking spot. He is no where to be seen, so we head into the
residential neighborhood and par in front of someone’s driveway ( sub
chalta hai yaar !! ) that belongs to some innocent civilian who was
unfortunate enough to live near 1 mile square park.
So we fall out of our cars. Did you remember to bring the chaader ( the
grass is wet you know !!! ) ? No of course not she forgot, and I was too
busy with the baby to bring it. Anyway we are getting late, no reason to
fight about the chaader now. We head towards the naamaz-gah. You should
see the expressions on the faces of the morning joggers. They politely
smile. I get bold and say Salaam-Alaikum. They keep on jogging.
It’s a long walk if you parked somewhere you were not supposed to. The
parking lot fills up early anyway. so here we are at 8.15 am right on time
( just 15 minutes late ! ). Half the namaaz-gah is empty, and the masjid
people have just begun to lay down the brown paper ( where do they get
those thick rolls from ? must be real cheap ! ).
We find a spot on the tarmac and I sit down on a pointed piece of stone
(ouch ! do they have the same problems during Christmas ? and we are
supposed to be better !). The women have of course been hearded to the
very back, on the wet grass ( boy is that wet grass cold ). The women take
their revenge by not listening to anyone who has the mike. They continue
to talk aloud, in spite of a couple of admonitions “ to the sisters “.
They have important gossip to attend to and nothing is going to stop them
from finishing the Pakistani stories about Eid ka jouras, and what she
will wear tomorrow.
The fitra box is passed around. No prayer without fitrana. I put my fair
share in it, but a strange thought crosses my mind ( I should be branded a
kafir for just thinking it ). How much of this would go to the lawyers (
inside joke, forget it ! ). So around 9 am the reverend maulana begins the
khutba. People are getting very antsy at this time. Some of them actually
have got other commitments. Namaaz begins at 9.30 sharp, about 90 minutes
too late. We begin our prayer. As soon as prayers are over we try to
walk around and find friends. Their is Hazmaat. I met him five years ago
on the plane to Pakistan, and I see him at Eid prayers every year. WE
exchange phone numbers, but never have time to call. We can’t find Nasir.
Oh ! here they come. They too got stuck in traffic. We greet them. No one
gives Eidy in this town.
As we head home, we wonder, some Californians were celeberating Eid
yesterday, while others will cleberate Eid tomorrow, and they are all
living in Southern Californai ( Strange and poor. Ajeeb oaur ghareeb I
mean ). Remind me to fake it when we go to Sab’s place.
We weed ourselves out of the place, trying to dodge all the “beggars” that
have come to harass us on the way out. ( where did all of them come from ?
). As you head back home you try to read this new newspaper that is trying
to be different and innovative, and is trying to bring class ( I know
that’s an oxymoron but what can I say ) to Pakistani journalism in
California.
Have a safe journey home. Eid Mubarak. Don’t forget to give Eidy to your
wife ( the kids won’t let you forget). And if you are a student and don’t
have to worry about any of this. All of this will make sense right after
graduation (or when you call home or go back home and talk to mom about
you know who , whichever comes first )
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A Lion must always roar.
Be wiser than all the other lions, but never let them know.
Visit my home page that HRH Imran Anwar Sahib has created for me
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