RAKESH MATHUR'S INDIA MONITOR


I love to hear from readers . Please write to me at MathurRak@aol.com
Rakesh's CV

A journey.Palace.Blair's year end report.Royal Garden Party..Bombay-London film festival..Friends..Medical..Hindi..Urdu..Recipes


Previous Articles.RAF..Friend..Smart Sayings..Pick up lines ..Newspaper Headlines..Your Sexual horoscope...Your sexual horoscope ( Non graphic)
A journey

This ship was carrying all of the feelings: happiness, sadness, knowledge and all of the others, including love.

However, this ship began to sink. All of the feelings rushed to the emergency rowboats. Love however, stayed, wanting to persevere to the last possible moment. As the boat kept sinking, Love cried out for help.

Richness was passing by in a grand old boat. Love asked "Can you take me with you?" Richness replied "There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. Sorry, there is no place for you here."

Love decided to ask Vanity, who was passing by in a beautiful vessel, if she could help. Vanity replied "I can't help you. You are all wet and may damage my boat."

Sadness passed by and Love asked him for help. "I am so sad" Sadness replied, "that I need to be by myself."

Happiness passed by also, but she was so happy that she did not even hear Love call to her.
Suddenly there was a voice. "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on dry land, the Elder went his own way.

Love, realizing how much he owed the Elder, asked Knowledge, "Who helped me?'

"It was Time." Knowledge answered.

"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."


Buckingham Palace opens its doors to all

After reading my description of the Buckingham Palace Garden Party, I received many enquiries as how one can visit this most famous palace in the world.Now the time has come when on instructions from the Queen, the doors ofBuckingham Palace are open to anyone who can afford to spend hours in a queueto buy an expensive ticket.

The State Rooms of the Buckingham Palace are open from 6 August to 4 October1998 everyday to visitors. Tickets (9.50 for adults, 7.00 for over 60 and 5.00 for under 17) can be bought from The Ticket Office in facing Green Park from 9.00 a.m.

The Indian and Pakistani visitors will be amazed to see the Mughal influence on the ceilings of rooms such as The Green Room which were designed by John Nash. One is advised to buy a copy of the Buckingham Palace guide which explains history and other details of the rooms, its furniture, objet d'art, paintings and sculptures.

However, it would be useful to learn a bit about the history of Buckingham Palace. It is the official London residence of the Queen, but until the 18th century, Buckingham House, which occupied the same site, was the London home of the Dukes of Buckingham. In 1762, George III bought the House and moved there with his young consort Queen Charlotte.

King George IV who acceeded to the Throne in 1820 commissioned his architect John Nash to build a state palace. Nash added to the existing building rather than rebuild entirely and much of the structure and decoration of Buckingham Palace as we see it today are due to Nash and his royal Patron.

King George IV or his successor William IV ever lived in the palace. The nineteen year old Queen Victoria was the first sovereign to take up the residence in the Palace just three weeks after her accession on 13th July 1837. There is a gorgeous painting of her coronation in one of the galleries in the Palace. One can find reproduction of the same painting in the Royal Mint Box which one can buy from the Palace shop.

Buckingham Palace soon became too small for the Queen's growing family and it was Edward Blore who was commissioned to construct the East front joining the wings of Nash's Palace. The present Queen lives in the Eastern front facing the garden. The rest of the Palace is used for State affairs such as banquets, investitutes etc.

During the months of August and September each year, Nash's magnificent State Rooms, which include the Throne Room, The Picture Gallery, the State Dining Room, my favourite Music Room (scene of many Royal christenings) and White Room are open to visitors. It is in these rooms, that are decorated with some of the finest pictures, tapestries, furniture, porcelain and other work of art from the Royal Collection. It is in these rooms that the Queen and other members of the Royal Family receive and entertain their guests on State, cermonial and official occasions.

One can find further information on the following website:

http://www.royal.gov.uk


Blair's year end report

Tony Blair felt it essential to spend around 100,000 Pounds Sterling on this report to tell his voters what progress he is making. About 177 commitments were made in the election manifesto of the Labour Party. After fifteen months of governing the country, they have carried out 14 commitments and about 120 are on their way.

Commitments such as 'making racial harassment and racially motivated violence criminal', the report says that a Bill is before the parliament at present. The commitment about removing the primary purpose rule in immigration is done and to streamline the system of visa appeals, the proposals are in preparation.

The commitment about controlling unscrupulous immigration advisers is under way while the consultation on this matter is completed. There is a crackdown on the birth certificate fraud commitment which is under way at the moment. According to this report, the Government has also kept it's commitment to achieve leadership in the Commonwealth.

Tony Blair in his address said that "part of the story about Britain is about the waste of talent that comes from having so many people shut out of society's mainstream, given too few opportunities. That is why we want to create a decent society in which everyone has the chance to succeed. I believe that we have made a good start, But it is only a start. There is a lot more to be done."

If the readers of UKINDIA feel that they should participate in the future working of the Government, they can E-Mail their suggestions to Tony Blair on the following areas:

Education, Prosperity, Business, Welfare, Health, Crime, Family, More Out of Life, Modern Government, Leadership in the World with their names and their first priority. This should be sent with the reader's name, address and telephone number.

The E-Mail address is: report98@gov.uk


Buckingham Palace Garden Party

Like each year, the Queen is hosting her usual three Garden Parties in the month of July. The only difference is that many of the Indians who were invited last year to mark the 50th anniversary of India's Independence are not invited back this year.

Having said that, I was able to meet a number of Indian celebrities and Indian diplomats in this year's first Garden Party. The most unusual thing was that unlike last year, all of them spoke in Hindi with me.

Baroness Shreela Flather always take pride in her roots and she told me that a Memorial is being built in the Constitution Hill, London. At this place, those Indian soldiers will be remembered who fought for the British Forces in two wars. It is a shame that thousand of soldiers who gave their lives, who were wounded have not been remembered by the British so far. It is all due to the efforts of Shreela Flather that this situation is being addressed.

All enquiries regarding this memorial may be addressed to Baroness Flather through my E-Mail: MathurRak@aol.com and I would be delighted to pass it on to her.

There was one senior diplomat who spoke in excellent Hindi and after a long conversation when he told me his name, I realized that he is a Muslim gentleman from Chawri Bazaar in Old Delhi. We had a good laugh at the hypocrisy which was unashamedly being displayed by some of the tea party guests in the Buckingham Palace Gardens. Many of them belonged to our beloved country.

This year, I took an opportunity to inspect some corners of the Garden which I had missed in previous years. I was particularly delighted to see a small wild island in the middle of the lake in the Gardens. it is connected with the rest of the Garden by two small bridges. Though the gates to this island were locked, I was able to see some wild life and special birds in the density of trees.

The ducks, mallards and swans in the lake were attracting lots of interest of the guests who preferred to sit on the grass drinking cold tea with pastries and small sandwiches. There is a couple of sculptures of swans looking up in the sky.

There was a long queue to shake gloves clad hands of the Queen. The protocol demands that you give your name and brief introduction to one of the red clown like uniformed men with spears. They would write down your details and present you to the Queen. The Queen was wearing light pink outfit with matching hat. She would mostly ask questions. The guests are now allowed to address any questions to the Queen.

When the Queen is talking to selected couple or one person, all the guests are expected to stand in a circle around her. Nobody can show their back to the Queen or other members of the Royal Family.

The Prince of Wales was also talking to a select few, he would also ask questions and simply nod, pretending to be interested in long-winded answers of the guests. This exchange of sweet nothing must amuse most of the Royal watchers.

Two hours of royal movements in the garden, people in their best attires, men in long suits with eighteen century hats presented yet another spectacle. There were two tens. The left hand tent had deck chairs for the people who queued up to collect their tea and pastries. The right hand tent was meant for diplomats and special guests who were expected to sit on the red cushioned, guilded armed chairs. The Queen after talking to the people from left hand tent slowly moved towards the right hand tent. She was presented yet again to her special guests.

There were two bands playing all sorts of medley of music in the garden. One band near the Buckingham Palace's wing, where the Royal family resides, played music that was more formal and exuberant. The band playing in the pavilion near the lake was composed of the Gurkhas which made some Nepali and Indian guests proud of them. They were not allowed to play music from Indian films.

There were some Sikhs in their traditional turbans too. One of them is the Mayor of Slough who was delighted to talk to us in the Punjabi language. He wanted to use this occasion for networking and for making rooms for greater things to happen after his one year of glorious mayorship'.

The Party ended with the National anthem, a hint for all the guests to leave. Unlike last couple of years, there were no mishaps. I remember one year in the Garden Party, there was a storm and the lightening hit an old lady, sitting under a tree by the lake on a metal bench with her metal umbrella pointing upwards. This year, there were new wooden benches under the tree.

The monarchy is definitely changing according to the new demands.


Ethnic Minorities to Rise Above the Rest

New recruitment campaign by Royal Air Force
If you belong to the minorities (ironically women and ethnic minorities combined, constitute 60% of the British population)then you have a chance to rise above the rest. Dr John Reid, the Armed Forces Minister told us in press conference today, the 15th July in the Ministry of Defence Head Quarters in Whitehall, London. At the moment there are 3,500 aircrews in all branches of Royal Air Force and only 1% of them reflect their ethnic minority origin. To be an officer, the minimum age requirement is 17 years, six months and maximum 29 years. For officers, 2 'A' Levels and 5 GCSEs are required with English and Mathemaths. All applicants have to be medically fit to serve worldwide.

All applicant must at all times since birth have either a British citizen, a Commonwealth citizen or a citizen of Ireland. As far as diet is concerned, RAF aims to cater for all specialist dietary requirements. Vegetarian and Halal meals can be provided and Sikhs can wear turbans, when the turban has to be removed, in most cases, the patka may still be worn beneath specialist headgear. Muslim women are generally allowed to wear uniform trousers rather than a skirt. Areas for worship are made available on RAF stations.

People considering a career within the Royal Air Force can find out more by phoning 0345 300 100. One can look up the RAF careers internet site on: http://www.raf.careers.raf.mod.uk

According to Dr John Reid, more than 300,000 hits were recorded last week on MOD website when a special announcement was made. So, if you are considering a career in the RAF, you better hurry up.


Bombay - London Film Season 29 July to 1st August 1998

Institute of Contemporary Arts in Central London is hosting a unique Bollywood film season during the last week and weekend of July.

Amitabh Bachchan, Manisha Koirala, Aamir Khan from Bombay will rub shoulders with the local London talents such as Talvin Singh, the Asian Dub maestro and Bobby Friction, DJ at Swaraj. According to a press release of the ICA, Gangster films run alongside love stories, tabla players next to synthesisers and musicians next to film stars.


Wednesday 29 July 14.30-16.10

The Journey Directed by Harish Saluja 1997

A warm, funny movie with Saeed Jaffrey and Roshan Seth about art and life in the diaspora.

20.00 A surprise movie.


Thursday 30 July 17-20.40

Rangeela Directed by Ram Gopal Verma,1996

This Bombay 'star-is-born' film, with major stars Aamir Khan and Urmila, provides a glimpse behind the scenes of Bollywood. Top hero Aamir Khan will be in conversation afterwards.


21.00-23.00 Hum Aapke Hai Kaun?

Directed by Soraj Barajatya 1994

This is a family saga, resolved only when Krishna intervenes in the form of family dog Tuffy. The most successful Hindi film ever, the 16 beautiful wedding songs become an essential part of Bombay cultural life.


Friday 31 July 13.30-16.30 Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayangey

Directed by Aditya Chopra 1995

This great romance follows two British Asians inter-railing in Europe. When the woman is spirited back to the Punjab, her lover discovers only the brave heart gets the bride. A beautifully crafted musical score sweeps you from Switzerland via Southall to the Punjab.


17.00-20.00 Agnipath Directed by Mukul Anand 1990

Starring the great Amitabh Bachchan, this is Hindi Action cinema at its best - story of a man's rise and fall in Bombay gangland.


20-30-22-00 Talvin Singh in conversation with Amitabh Bachchan.


Saturday 1st August 13.30-16.30 Bombay

Directed by Mani Ratnam 1995

A Hindu/Muslim love story set in Bombay riots. Manisha Koirala and Arvind Swarmey are superb as a couple determined to survive despite prejudices. Manisha Koirala, Bombay's most outspoken actress, will be in conversation after the film.


17.30-20.30 and 21.00-midnight Dil Pagal Hai Directed by Yash Chopra 1997

Yash Chopra's latest glam dance musical is a love triangle with Sharrukh Khan, Madhuri Dixit and Karishma Kapoor. Young hip Bombay is on display with newcomer Uttam Singh's impressive, highly successful score.


For more information on prices and availability of tickets, contact ICA, London on 0171 873 0061.

This film season will be broadcast live on the Internet by Protein TV on

http://www.proteintv.com


Friends (author unkown)

CONFIDE IN A FRIEND
*::*``*::*``*::*

When you're tired and worn at the close of the day
And things just don't seem to be going your way,

When even your patience has come to an end
Try taking time out and confide in a friend.

Perhaps they too may have walked the same road,
With a much troubled heart and burdensom load,

To find peace and comfort somewhere near the end,
When they stopped long enough to confide in a friend.

For then are most welcome a few words of cheer,
for someone who willingly lends you an ear.

No troubles exist that time cannot mend,
But to get quick relief just confide in a friend.



SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID

* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
* You can live without sex but not without glasses.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
 * You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
* You are proud of your lawn mower.
* Your best friend is dating someone half their age ..... and isn't breaking
any laws.
* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
* You sing along with the elevator music.
* You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
* You make an appointment to see the dentist.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* Neighbors borrow your tools.
* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
* You have a dream about prunes.
* You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
* You send money to PBS.
* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
* You take a metal detector to the beach.
* You wear black socks with sandals.
* You know what the word "equity" means.
* You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
* You got cable for the Weather Channel.
(My uncle calls the Weather Channel "Old Folks MTV")
* You can go bowling without drinking.
* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.



WHAT EVERY MAN EXPECTS IN A WIFE

* She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
* She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
* She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
* Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
* She will never be sick -- just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
* She will insist that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure.
* She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV,
painting the house, and keeping quiet.
* Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.
* She will hate charge cards.
* Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, dear?"
* She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.
* She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some
sewing done.
* She will love you because you're so sexy.

WHAT HE USUALLY GETS

* She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
* She was once a model for a totem pole.
* Where there's smoke, there she is -- cooking.
* She's a light eater.  Once it gets light, she starts eating.
* She lets you know you only have two faults.  Everything you do,  and
everything you say.
* No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a
steel wool factory.
* If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.



Pick-Up Lines

How To Respond To Pickup Lines...

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter."
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"



THE YEAR'S BEST REAL HEADLINES ARE...

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors